MPACT SERVICES

  Have you ever wondered why when you hear of your “Ex” moving on to another relationship that you sometimes “don’t get it”?  What could that “new” person possibly see in your “old guy” to connect with them?  You may have been engaged in the relationship for 1,2, 10 or twenty years, and things just did not work out between the two  of you.

The truth of the matter is, the two of you worked out what you were suppose to for your personal growth for that season.  The Universe is kind like that.  It gives us what we need, and sometimes not necessarily what we want.  The need is oftentimes an unconscious desire to grow in a certain area.  More times than not, it is when we emerge from the darkest hours that we experience our greatest growth.  We are more insightful and receive clarity in the life lesson.  As you take the opportunity to work on your unfinished business from your family of origin experiences, your partner has the same opportunity for growth and enlightenment presented to them.  Ideally, you will share in this growth as a couple.  We know that sometimes does not happen, especially if there is not a parallel experience in the relationship as one person may be more motivated for change than the other at that moment in time.

Time and experience changes everything and every one.  That person you engaged in a relationship with is not the same person you terminated the relationship with, and neither are you.  When you see your “Ex” moving on, or you have done the same, what you see and experience is two changed individuals moving on to the next phase of their lives.  When you meet that “new special someone” you are experiencing two changed human beings emerging and crossing paths. Ideally, both will have done the work of becoming a more insightful and whole person.  In Family Therapy we understand that people are attracted to those who are as developed/mature (spiritually and emotionally) as they are.  They have begun and continue on the journey of knowing self and forgiveness of self.  They have taken the opportunity to confront their distortion of themselves and strive to become a more authentic human being.  It is recognized that it is a process, not a one time event.  Sometimes in addition to the life experience, it may require the support of a therapist to gain clarity and understanding for one to let go of their past and move on.  When you see your “Ex” with his/her new love, you will “get it”.  You will know why they were blessed to journey together at this moment in time.  You will truly understand why relationships is like a tag sale…one person’s “used item” is another’s “treasure”. You see the beauty in your new found treasure; the usefulness of your treasure in your life; as well as how your new found treasure will enhance your life.  When you cross paths with the person the Universe has ordained for you, you will treasure each other as only new found love can. 

The Crossroad

Katurah A. Bryant, RN,LMFT,LADC

www.mpactservices.net

Because of my FAITH, I will NOT FEAR…Because I TRUST (in God and the power of the Universe), I will NOT WORRY.  This is the ultimate submission in someone/something greater than one’s mortal and limited self.  I strive each day to do those things God would have me to do.  It is clear what that entails.  The “Golden Rule” pretty much sums it up, “ To do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.

The other part of that commandment is embracing the message from God that says, “I will NEVER leave you, nor forsake you”.  The “never” part challenges one’s sense of trust, because we have been socialized to not believe in “never”.  Our parents would often warn us about “never”, “Never say “never”, say you “hope to not do such and such again”.  However, if you have learned and embraced the life lesson, “never” can be a reality of certain choices that we will be confronted with again by the Universe, just to make sure we “got it”.  We will know right away the choice we will make as we will be well aware of the negative consequences of any other choice other than the healthy one.

Back to the first commandment of, “doing unto others…” The challenge with following through with that is, if you are coming from a damaged and distorted place of how people have treated you’; that is how you will ultimately treat others. You can only do what you know.  You may have no other frame of reference other than pain, violence, disappointment, and being oppressed.  You will do this unto others, because that is ALL you know.  Until the Universe intervenes and has someone cross your path that challenges this distorted and unhealthy value system, doing things differently is out of your realm of possibilities.  Up until that time you are in the pre-contemplation stage (DeClementi, et al) of change…you have not given it much thought. You have been functioning the way you have been functioning and have had no motivation to look at yourself and contemplate changing your behavior.

God gives you a glimpse of what He means by “doing unto others…”.   The truth is, even during the time when the distortion seems like it is “just the way it is”, the Universe exposes us to the reality of the way it is supposed to be.  With that reality is the pain.  The pain of another failed relationship; the pain of being isolated and alone, once again; the feeling of your back being against the wall; that painful moment when you are desperate for change.

You have arrived at the crossroad of “Repeat or Repair”.  If you choose not to work through the pain, you will opt to numb yourself once again, with another relationship; sex; alcohol and/or other drugs; shop/spending; work-aholism; gambling; over eating/anorexia, or any combination.  We can not forget “Church/Mosque/Temple-ism” where you spend every waking hour in the building, and not taking time to work on your character defects. You have chosen to travel once again on Repeat Road.  Repeat Road looks attractive; it is well traveled, and quite familiar.  It looks like the easier route to change, and offers no rest stops. Repeat Road is the quickest road to no where, as it really is a circular road, leading back to Pain Drive.

The other option is the Road of Repair.  It is truly the road less traveled, and seems endless.  When you take the risk to travel down the Road of Repair, you will allow God/Your Higher Power to provide you with road side service and step in as you begin your journey of repairing the distorted reality and taking the risk to embrace the reality of truth.  The truth of how one is supposed to live with other human beings/children of God.  It is on this journey of healing that one must truly embrace and believe that God/the Universe will NEVER leave you or forsake you. No matter how uncomfortable or painful the experience is today, you hold on, knowing that “God’s got this”.  Push, pull or tow, He will provide you with what you need to heal on the Road of Repair.  You will be provided many amenities along this Road of Repair.  A trained and competent therapist may be provided to guide and support you on your road to repair and recovery of your true self; to encourage you to embrace your truth, as you create a new reality. You will be refreshed with a new outlook on the power of God and the abundance of the Universe.  There will be plenty of reflecting pools on this Road to Repair as you come to understand that the only person you can change begins with that person reflected back at you, and that is also where forgiveness begins.  There will be those who have traveled this road before you, cheering you on, encouraging you by their example.  The Ancestors will be rejoicing and crying tears of joy that you have fulfilled your destiny, and opened the Road to Repair for the generations to follow.